Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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