i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
