so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
