I just pynch a tree in the face
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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