Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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