I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
