i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
