i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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