About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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