Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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