Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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