A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
