The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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