the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
