i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
