why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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