hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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