We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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