i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
