just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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