Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my liver is dry heaving
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
