But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
True strength comes from lack of pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
