How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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