his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
