I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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