DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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