I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
