The police scanner is talking about you again....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
