You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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