Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
