You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
