i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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