The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
