Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
