I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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