My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
