Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
