i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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