All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
