My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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