I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
