Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
