So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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