roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
