Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
