Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
