You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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