i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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