I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
