And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
