Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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