apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
