rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
