Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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