420 ftw
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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