WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
