I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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