Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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