It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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