dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
