its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
