Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
