those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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