Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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