worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
